We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game
from "The Circle Game" ©Joni MitchellBehind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game
I know that my circle of true friends has become smaller and smaller over the years. If I live long enough there may come a time when the circle has completely vanished and there is just me left as the dot in the middle.
At that point I will have a furious argument with myself and disappear in a puff of smoke!
Tim's comment on Breaking Up Is Hard To DoAt that point I will have a furious argument with myself and disappear in a puff of smoke!
Several years ago when I made a short visit to my home town of Melbourne Australia, I was very surprised to find a very large Rubik's Cube standing in the Exhibition Gardens there.Apart from its rather seventies look, I was negatively attracted to it because I have a "thing" about Rubik's Cubes. For ten years I was married to a man who "doesn't believe in Rubik's Cubes". Regular readers of my blog will know of him as "the man-who-doesn't-believe-in-washing-machines". Well, he doesn't believe in Rubik's cubes either. And who can blame him.
So I was bemused when sometime this century, I came across the HUGE Rubik's cube in Melbourne's Exhibition Gardens, and hence the cartoon. Shock horror!
Last week I read the comment, "I know that my circle of true friends has become smaller and smaller over the years. If I live long enough there may come a time when the circle has completely vanished and there is just me left as the dot in the middle", from a NON-expat (Tim, Breaking Up Is Hard To Do).
For YEARS I've believed that my friends have been dropping off because I am far away.
And "It ain't necessarily so," as the song says.
I'm not the only expat who has thought this. I and others have felt that, as the years away increase, the friends back home, decrease. But maybe not.
And they leave in reverse order from when they were acquired. Last in, first out.
My friends who remain were all, almost all, acquired before 1985.
Sheesh!!!!
This doesn't look good for my social life.
On the other hand, I live in New York and barely have a social life.
In the past week, before dropping off to sleep, I've counted lost friends instead of sheep. I do encourage this for any insomniacs (over fifty) out there. It is so frightening that your natural defenses of denial kick in, and you are soon sleeping soundly, if not happily.
Yes Tim is correct. I HAVE lost most of them because of arguments and not because of distance.
Do we get less tolerant as we age? Or is it that our live's experiences separate us from more and more people?
I suspect in my case it's the latter.
Unless you are very much like everyone else, as you get older, your peers are less willing to accept you. Especially if you are outspoken.
So here I am in New York. Outspoken!
Pondering the friend thing.
Who was it sang, "Hello darkness, my old friend"???
3 comments:
MIne are just dying off too fast.
Kate, I think with age I am less tolerant but maybe you are right, maybe I am also outspoken too much and for me, this has touched my family as well as friends. However in your case, you will always have new friends, so fear not, embrace the present.
The past we cannot change, the future has yet to show its face, so the present is all we may bear. (Terry 2009)
Friends can be high maintenance. As we get older, we hopefully understand this better. Some friends take more than they give.
When we stop expecting special favours from our friends, and stop investing in them more energy than is healthy (as a way to secure those special favours), we move to a more compassionate attitude, one in which we understand our friends are not that different from any other human being. We become more, not less, tolerant.
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